Many of us can relate to the phrase “hurry up and wait,” whether it be from something as mundane as getting stuck in traffic, or from something more vulnerable, such as struggling with anticipatory grief as we prepare to walk alongside our loved ones as they enter their final days of life.

Then, even after losing a loved one, different feelings of expectation may arise, as we wait for the grief to feel more manageable, for something to change, for something to feel different.

“When am I going to feel like myself again?”

“How will I ever get through this without them?”

“Is this just how it’s going to be now?”

It is important to remember that grief is multifaceted and not linear. Waiting for things to feel more manageable while adjusting to loss is normal. Wanting to feel less pain while still feeling engulfed by grief means we are human.

Poet Gregory Orr wrote: “If death, then grief, right? Well yes, but also relief, release. And love that goes past death, that keeps the connection so many think that death severs”.

May we be gentle with ourselves as we manage our grief, our love, and our expectations.

May we have compassion for ourselves as we witness our grief unfolding.

‍